Archive for the ‘english’ Category

Marriage

Martie 21, 2011

Marriage is like having cable with only one channel…

Anunțuri

Manana

Martie 21, 2011

Spanish singer Julio Iglesias was on television when he used the Spanish word „manana” (manyana). The host asked him to explain what it meant. He said that the term means, „Maybe the job will be done tomorrow, maybe the next day, maybe the day after that. Perhaps next week, next month, next year – who cares?” The host turned to Irishman Shay Brennan who was also on the show and asked him if there was an equivalent term in Irish.
– No. In Ireland we don’t have a word to describe that degree of urgency.

Misogynist

Martie 18, 2011

A misogynist is a man who hates women as much as women hate each other.

New Vatican Note

Martie 18, 2011

On Vatican Church notice board and Press Release:
„Be all Women informed that lying in bed, naked entangled with somebody and screaming:
*Oh my God *
*Oh my God *
*Oh my God *
will not be considered PRAYING.”

5 Kinds of Sex

Martie 18, 2011

1) The first is Smurf Sex. This happens during the honeymoon period; you both keep doing it until you’re blue in the face.
2) The second is Kitchen Sex. This is at the beginning of the marriage; you’ll have sex anywhere, anytime, even in the kitchen.
3) The third kind is Bedroom Sex. You’ve calmed down a bit, perhaps have kids, so you gotta do it in the bedroom.
4) The fourth kind is Hallway Sex. This is the phase in which you pass each other in the hallway and say, „Fuck you!”
5) There is also a fifth kind of sex: Courtroom Sex. This is when you get divorced and your wife screws you in front of everyone in the courtroom.

Arab Newspaper

Martie 17, 2011

A Jewish man was sitting in Starbucks reading an Arab newspaper. A friend of his, who happened to be in the same store, noticed this strange phenomenon. Very upset, he approached him and said:
– Moshe, have you lost your mind? Why are you reading an Arab newspaper?
Moshe replied:
-I used to read the Jewish newspapers, but what did I find? Jews being persecuted, Israel being attacked, Jews disappearing through assimilation and intermarriage, Jews living in poverty. So I switched to the Arab newspaper. Now what do I find? Jews own all the banks, Jews control the media, Jews are all rich and powerful, Jews rule the world. The news is so much better!

Nervous breakdown

Aprilie 8, 2009

„One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.” Bertrand Russell

Questions…

Aprilie 2, 2009

This is a question that has gone unanswered for centuries, but, now we know…

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race…  you’re a male chauvinist.
If you stay home and do the housework .. you’re a pansy.

If you work too hard… there’s never any time for her.
If you don’t work enough… you’re a good-for-nothing bum.

If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay… this is exploitation.
If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay… you should get off your lazy behind and find something better.

If you get a promotion ahead of her… that is favoritism.
If she gets a job ahead of you… it’s equal opportunity.

If you mention how nice she looks… it’s sexual harassment.
If you keep quiet… it’s male indifference.

If you cry … you’re a wimp.
If you don’t… you’re insensitive.

If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear… you’re a pervert.
If you don’t… you’re gay.

If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape… you’re sexist.
If you don’t … you’re unromantic.

If you try to keep yourself in shape… you’re vain.
If you don’t… you’re a slob.

If she has a headache… she’s tired.
If you have a headache… you don’t love her anymore.

If you want it too often… you’re oversexed.
If you don’t… there must be someone else.

Bottom Line… Men die first because they want to.

Danger and play

Aprilie 2, 2009

The true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason he wants woman, as the most dangerous plaything.” (Friedrich Nietzsche)

Giuseppe

Aprilie 2, 2009

At Saint Mary’s Catholic Church they have a weekly husband’s marriage seminar. At the session last week, the Priest asked Giuseppe, who was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.
Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands:
– Wella, I’ve a-tried to treat-a her nicea, spenda da money on her, but besta of alla is, I tooka her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!
The Priest responded:
– Giuseppe, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary?
Giuseppe proudly replied:
– I’m agonna go get her.